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WHO DO I CHOOSE?

This is the article submitted to the LDS Church’s Blog:

Who do I choose, God or my husband?

I never thought I’d be in a mixed-faith marriage. We hadn’t even celebrated our first wedding anniversary before my husband told me he no longer identified with most of the truth claims of the Church. I was hurt and confused. We both were. I had imagined this honeymoon stage playing out very differently. Rather than focusing on this new exciting thing to be married, we were trying to compromise on theology, lifestyle, and what felt like our entire future.

Where do we go? How do we navigate this journey? Who do I choose?

“This isn’t fair.”

My husband’s beliefs changed and as a result I’m the one who suffers the consequences. Or at least that’s what it felt like. It wasn’t until we started to become more open about our faith journey with those around us that I realized I wasn’t the only one suffering. My husband was having a very hard time with this transition too. Having been mostly surrounded by LDS friends and family his whole life, it seemed to him that nobody was really interested in understanding him as much as they were interested in trying to fix him.

That’s when it hit me. Rather than seeing the situation as a dichotomy (he’s either with me or against me), in reality, he was just begging to be understood at a deeper level and I was needing that same understanding from him. Navigating a faith journey that deviates from family and the surrounding community is no easy task. Getting married with the understanding that we shared similar beliefs, only to have that foundation ripped out from underneath both of us is no easy task. Feeling “forced” into a faith transition because a spouse believes differently is, again, no easy task. It can be complicated, messy, and confusing for all parties involved. I believe both sides deserve more love and understanding.

Prior to this experience, I hadn’t truly considered legitimate reasons as to why someone would not want to come to church or choose to doubt their previously “bulletproof” testimony. While we don’t necessarily agree on all of those reasons, I can understand why it is difficult for him to want to attend church, or to believe as he once did. As I’ve focused more on understanding him and loving him where he currently is on his faith journey – not where he was or where I hope he’ll be – he too has come to understand me and recognize the ways in which his faith transition has impacted me. Through this process, we’ve come to see that in more ways than not, we are still very much on the same team and can respect each other’s differing beliefs while remaining authentic to ourselves.

It was this act of “moving in” together (HUGE emphasis on together) that changed the dynamic of our situation and also changed the way I worshipped. I stopped looking for things that separated my faith from others — my husband included — and started focusing on the good people had to offer. And that’s not to say it will be easy. We just blessed our daughter last year. I recognize each new stage will present its own set of difficulties, but I hope by our open communication and “same team” policy that we will both be able to speak our truth and do what feels right.

To me, the Savior embodies what it is to practice perfect love. He loved when it was uncomfortable, not reciprocated, and even ridiculed. His love did not discriminate based on convenience or what society deemed as acceptable. A simple, yet powerful commandment He told His disciples, one that He repeated three times over, “Love one another, as I have loved you” (John 13:34-35). I am so glad this commandment didn’t include disclaimers. Can you imagine, “Love one another, except when someone does not believe or act as you do, then please disregard commandment”? It sounds absurd when it’s in this context, but when life gets real and loved ones disagree on personal matters, this simple but powerful statement can get lost in translation.

Unfortunately, we are not alone in what can often be a difficult, isolating journey to navigate our religious beliefs. Faith and religious activity are personal and as such they don’t always follow the same trajectory as that of a spouse, friend, or neighbor. The last few years have given me a front row seat into the lives of many who, like us, are fighting to stay in the Church. If only we could see the amount of bravery it takes for some to simply show up, I’m sure we would embrace everyone who walks into the Church doors with open arms, all judgment and assumptions aside.

Though I could pick sides and choose who to love, it’s such a relief knowing I don’t have to. I get to love God. I get to love my husband. I get to love others independent of where they find themselves on their faith journey — no strings attached.

ELLIE

Ellie is beautiful, bold, opinionated, inquisitive, and strong-willed. She came to us with such intensity and it hasn’t let up yet. She is a miracle and we are so, so grateful she came to us. Here’s our first Father’s Day gift.

Babymoon: Germany, Austria, and Hungary

For Christmas, I “surprised” Nick (*hard to surprise when he had to get time off work) with a babymoon trip to one of his favorite places on Earth, Germany. I figured it would be one of our last trips together, just us two. So we booked the flights. And decided to travel spontaneously, no hotels, tours or transportation booked.
MUNICH
We arrived in Munich mid-afternoon and immediately drove to Marienplatz, the central square. We saw a good look-out, had our first German sausage, and explored the city. We only had a day in this city, but it was definitely worth a visit. Perhaps my favorite part was the cute hotel, Hotel Laimer Hof, Nick found on the outskirts of Munich. It was quaint, yellow (my favorite color), and endearing…not to mention walking distance from the Nymphenburg Palace. We took a late-night stroll around the park grounds and it was perfectly relaxing. One of the perks of traveling during the winter months is the lack of crowds. We had this whole dreamy building all to ourselves. It was so peaceful.

BABY HOMER

I was SO nervous, I could hardly sleep. The whole night I was tossing and turning, mentally preparing myself for another disappointment in the morning. It was a few days later than the “suggested window” to test, as I could not bare another false positive. Finally, with the sun peeking through the blinds, it seemed like a reasonable hour to be awake. I snuck out of bed before Nick got up. Without going into too much detail, I unwrapped the last pregnancy test, said a quick prayer to accept whatever the result may be and proceeded to “test”.

I set the stick on the counter. I couldn’t bare to look. For a year I’ve so desperately wanted to see two positive lines, but never did I receive an authentic positive test.

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TIS THE SEASON

So, I’ve had it in my head to make a wreath for months. I destroyed my last one trying to create a decoration for a YW’s event. Needless to say, the decoration didn’t work out and that was the last of anything remotely appealing about our front porch. Months went by, and nothing. I FINALLY found my way to Pinterest (often times I am too intimidated to get on this overwhelming site.) I was scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. I love green. Everything green. I’m all about natural decor. So, when I saw a fresh, green wreath I knew I had to brave a trip to Hobby Lobby in search for a wreath wire ring.

Things you’ll need:

Wreath wire ring
Two types of greenery (totally up to you). I went with large, dark green leaves accented by lighter, smaller leafed foliage.
Scissors and wire cutter
Green floral wire
Ribbon

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FLOWER SHOP BLISS

Monday morning.

I needed a little pick-me-up, so I drove to the flower shop down the street. I always make a mental note every time I drive by the shop to stop by and grab some flowers, but somehow life gets in the way.

This morning, as I was walking into the shop, I was greeted by three little boys exiting the flower shop, all wearing tuxes. They looked like perfect gentlemen. Each one had a rose in one hand to take to their mother. I smiled at the father who quickly ushered the boys into the car. And they were off. I couldn’t stop smiling as I was picking out a fresh arrangement for myself. It was the perfect way to start the week, if you ask me.

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FALL IS HERE


A little wind-blown as we headed up to the scenic overlook where we had out very first date four years ago. This last year has been a real kicker (you know where), but I’m grateful for Nick. I’m grateful he endure the most painful, awkward first date EVAH and married me two years later so we could hike the SAME mt. two years lateeer, slightly less awkward with much better chemistry.

*Also, we avoided a very close run-in with a not-so-friendly rattlesnake on the trailhead. Apparently, this hike is not for the faint of heart.

AND, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THESE LEAVES!?! This can’t be real life.

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DATE NIGHT WITH A HINT OF PODCASTS


We went up the canyon tonight for date night (loooong overdue). It was so refreshing to just be us two relaxing, chatting and learning how to longboard (well, I was). It was the perfect summer night with a hint of the crisp fall air. hmmmm.

Nick and I are knee-deep into podcasts, lately. So of course, the only thing we could talk about is our latest Invisibilia episode. (Warning, shameless podcast plug ahead.) It’s amazing how much absent minded time we have (driving, cooking, scrolling) to listen and learn something new. I’ve noticed some pretty drastic changes over the last year (since the podcast obsession started), and I’ve found myself feeling much more empathetic and socially aware of issues and demographics I had never been aware of. Not only that, but I feel our marriage has improved, as weird as that may sound. These podcasts have crept into out late-night pillow talks (say goodbye to sleep) helping us evolve as a couple, topic by topic. Learning new information, whatever format that may be, has a way of making you step outside of yourself, evaluate your current beliefs, analyze where you’d like to be and adopt new frameworks (if necessary). Nick and I are different in so many ways, but these podcasts have actually leveled the playing field a bit and come to find out, we aren’t as different as we thought:)

It’s seriously a habit worth forming. Hop in the car, turn off the radio, and push play on the latest episode. Whether it’s inspiring or even a little uncomfortable (it’s not always easy looking at a familiar subject with a new lens), I have NEVER regretted pushing play.

If you have any good ones, we’re all ears. And, of course, we’re happy to share our growing list as well.

Here’s a few of our most recent favorites:

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A WEEK UNDER THE STARS

LAKE POWELL! This is one of my absolute FAVORITE Homer family traditions. This trip alone is worth marrying into Nick’s family 🙂 Talk about the most beautiful scenery, best water toys (ahem, thanks to Nick) and food fit for kings. I joke with Carol (Nick’s mother) I eat better this week on the house boat than the rest of the year combined. She seriously is a wizard when it comes to cooking and baking. We are blessed to say the least.

I took out my camera the last two days to *try to document a SLIVER of this pristine beauty around us. One of my favorite parts of the trip is sleeping atop the houseboat. Nick started this tradition as a kid and has yet to do anything differently. I can see why. Falling asleep as the stars move overhead and waking up with the early sunrise (see video below of the moonrise) is pretty humbling.  Ahh! I really can’t put this trip into words so I’ll just post a slew of random pictures of my in-laws and the scenery we basked in all week. Hope you enjoy:)

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